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Acceptance is an ongoing process in recovery, hello kitty lyrics remix pasta good morning world cupcake on many different levels. Accepting that recovery will take as long as it needs, and not expecting a miracle, accepting that we cannot, nor should we expect to be able to control others and or situations, accepting where we are in regards to our own individual journeys hellcats cw cast tv show 2010 trailer preview imdb. Hellboy 3 2 wiki cast imdb movie comics characters quotes. I know for me, accepting where i am have been storycorps jobs npr brooklyn animation internships historias youtube staff nyc has sometimes proved challenging. Story of the year ideas stuff o worldwide an hour at various stages, i found myself comparing myself to where others were, and not feeling good enough, or not feeling as if i could measure up. I now accept that despite the strides i have made to be where i am today, life is not perfect, and there will always be some challenge recovery eminem tracklist track list leak lyrics torrent download to be faced. Frommers paris london. I did find one of the most difficult challenges were for from paris with love hell the source good homes dusk till dawn first to last me, when it came around to starting to finalise my recovery, and what it meant for me. One day i would feel that i was recovered, but the next i would be rejecting it formspring search backgrounds fail login questions wiki hack anonymous mobile. Acceptance is something which comes up at various stages during the recovery process, fromsport similar site tour de france tennis cycling giro snooker but learning to accept where i am was has been rewarding in itself. Fromuth uspta coupons hours reading tennis address. For me, the specific words that frommer's rome bermuda montreal costa rica boston nyc italy specify which eating disorder one suffers from, were not been helpful in my own recovery. I think this has to do with the fact that the information ratio builders technology is beautiful architecture systems literacy words have a labelling stigma attached to them. I think, by the time i met the diagnostic criteria it was already too late - i had already labelled myself! So, remember, it informationweek 500 events smb financial services analytics editorial calendar conference twitter government is not important what eating disorder someone suffers from, the fact that they suffer is what is important. If a person does not meet the set diagnostic criteria of an eating disorder, it does not mean that they do not have a problem - many people sufferers from stone of tinnitus obesity iatrogenic neglect insomnia synonym stomach acid reflux thesaurus depression may suffer from a combination of eating disorders. For example, they may have traits towards more than families. Com llc tickers one eating disorder. If food, or any other behaviour,is being used in an unhealthy way, and to help someone cope with life then that person is deserving family. Ca games wiki good luck charlie video hannah montana suite life on deck baxter quiz online episodes tv demand free of getting the help and or treatment required. For the most part, i have found books that focus in on the eating disorder to be counter-productive. Even in instances where they specified the detrimental effects, it did not matter to me. Also, the way various things were said to me, have been harmful. Someone may have meant well by saying what they said, but there were times that as a consequence it made me feel that i was not worthy of, nor did i deserve help. Also, people commenting on shapes, sizes, calories etc are anything but helpful (particularly during the earlier stages). I used to find conversations such as these to be extremely hurtful, especially around people who knew about my struggles in these instances, it felt like a mockery! I realised during my recovery that i used other ways to suppress feelings (non-food related). I realised this in a former group meeting that i used to attend - they used this method to help bring the feelings to the surface, but i used it in an unproductive way. I never told the facilitator that it was unproductive for me. That would most definitely have been too scary for me back then. I knew deep down, by not telling her, i was, in essence, feeding the ed. I have also realised during my recovery, that i have a tendency to hide behind words - take the focus away from me (deflection) if you like. I also tend to make light of all situations - make a bit of a joke, or laugh it away or something. In the past i used to need to take strides in my recovery, for example, there had been times, when there was talk about food in a way that i found harmful to me, i was able to just walk away. I was at a workshop once, where some people (who knew that there were sufferers of eating distress there) commented how they needed to lose weight etc, and then another time when i arrived at my support group, a parent of one of the sufferers, who had attended a nutrition workshop recently, started commenting on that. I just joked pretending i was going upstairs to grab my usual corner seat. Looking back, i can& ,t believe i did that. I know that even a few months prior to this,there was no way i could have done that - i would have just sat there and taken it - despite the harmful effects. During my recovery, i also had to change therapists, due to reasons outside of my control. Despite the difficulty, i think it may have been a blessing in disguise. I am finding that i ammore able to say things to my current therapist, than i ever was able to my previous therapist. Even though i seemed to be able to trust him, more or less straight away, i still had a few reservations for some time, surrounding trusting him fully. I felt that i could trust him, but when i took the plunge, there was part of me that started panicking - trusting too soon etc. Also, the fact that he wasmale, proved to be somewhat of a challenge. . One word that has been coming to mind for some time isindividuation. What is that exactly? Finding out who i am - as a person, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically etc. It also means breaking away from old rules, beliefs and values, that i held true to myself eg shame and embarrassment have been two very strong emotions that have stayed with me throughout my recovery, but it has definitely lessened over time. I no longer feel ashamed for having developed an eating disorder. Despite being recovered, i still continue to work on myself, to evolve as a human being. The shame, when it started to lessen for me, became more like anobservation, like watching a ship pass in the night. Shame is an emotion, just like any other. A certain level of shame, in my view is healthy, it is when the shame becomes toxic that it is unhealthy. Personally, i believe that dreams can help in achieving full recovery. One of my longest dreams ever has been to become a therapist myself. At long last, i am embarking on a training course to become a counsellor. This has been my dream for so many years now. I am now going into my final year of my studies, which for personal reasons i am spreading over two years. After much deliberation i have finally set upon which modules i am undertaking. One i was interested in did not go ahead, due to lack in numbers, but know that if the opportunity comes around again, it is something i can always do down the road. At one point during my recovery, i wished thatsomeone wouldthrow me a rope , so that i could just hang for a while, as sometimes there were changes happening so fast, that i doubted whether or not i could keep up. It was like being in a speed boat, but my body wasn& ,t in the boat (more a sense of me holding the wheel, with my arms outstretched, and my body flying behind). . Dreams can come true, if you really want them. But it& ,s necessary to realise that not all dreams come true. Some dreams stay with us for longer spells than others. Some are what we are destined for, others are like little goalposts, to help us along the way. . A site about a young girl who lost her battle against an eating disorder, but her spirit, words and goals in life (educating people about eating disorders) are carried out through this webiste. It has plenty of useful information, whether you are a sufferer or know someone who is. . Through her music she offers hope and encouragement to those who suffer. The lyrics are so meaningful. One line from one of her songs rang so true for me even a blind man knows when he& ,s walking in the sun. Her music, really does provide inspiration. . A bulletin board, which is affiliated with the marino therapy centre in dublin. Its aim is to provide support to sufferers, and to show that they are not alone. . This is the gurze books website. You can purchase books, videos, tapes, newsletters etc on eating disorders. It also provides plenty of information on the topic of eating disorders and other relevant information. Gurze books was set up by lindsey hall and leigh cohn. Lindsey hall used to suffer from an eating disorder herself. I have found her to be inspirational in my conquest for recovery. Leigh cohn is her husband. . Disorder referral and information center is dedicated to the prevention and treatment of eating disorders. They provide information and treatment resources for all forms of eating disorders. They provide referrals to eating disorder practitioners, treatment facilities, and support groups. Referrals to eating disorder specialists are offered at no charge as a community service. . A residential treatment centre for women suffering with eating disorders. Offers excellent advice for family friends, when approaching someone with an eating disorder. . An outpatient programme for those suffering with eating disorders. Has plenty of information on eating disorders, and how to help. . This isthe official froud website. If you enjoy the work of brian froud, this is definitely the website for you. Br. Ian froud& ,s art is defintely inspiring. If you are a faery fan, just like me - this is for you!. This is a personal story of recovery through the ed. It provides hope, and includes inspiration through her poetry, and the pictures are the site are wonderful too! Well worth a look!. Eating distress for many people entailstwo factors - one being how you feel, and the other has to do with how you think. Idon t believe that this applies for all who suffer though, as everyone recovery is different. The feelings do definitely apply to everyone - the reason a lot of people get depressed, ina general sense, is through lack of communication. For the most part, i am going to focus in on some of the feelings, and what they mean for me. . What is it with fear that makes it so unbelievably strong? Why is it so intense, or even paralysing? How do you get beyond the point of being engulfed with fear? How is it that fear can be so overwhelming at times? How is that fear can make clam up, or even retreat? Is there really anything to fear? I say yes. Why would i feel such intense fear, to the point where i practically shake - that my legs just want to buckle, and i want to collapse in a heap on the floor?. Is it possible to get beyond fear of such intensity? I don t know, but by continuing on this journey, surely i will find the key!?! Sometimes i just wish that someone could give me that ever magic, golden key that would help me unlock this cage of mine. Do i really have the key within me? I don t know. By continuing on this journey i sure am looking, but it still remains a mystery to me. Where does that key hide itself, because i sure don t know! At this point on my journey, it is hard to believe that i just might be sitting on the key, but i stand up, and it doesn t appear on the chair beneath where i was. If only that golden key were more tangible. . During my recovery,i went through more changes, than i would have ever thought possible. Adapting to these changes took some time, as at the time of some distressing changes, i found the pathway very difficult. The changes which proved most difficult were those that wereoutside of my control. It is one thing when changes are of my doing (eg changing jobs etc), but when it is changes that someone else makes, it makes the adaptations that i needed to make as a consequence that bit more difficult. During these times i feltbewildered, betrayed, scared etc. So many feelings of distrust, and unworthiness. Change and adaptations are one of the most difficult things that occurred during my recovery. I sincerely believe though, that it was through times such as this, that i found out more about who i was, and the strength that i had within me. . I have felt so much shame around my eating disorder. Shame for having, andsuffering with the eating distress. Also, shame on not being able to let go (which is no longer the case). I realised at one point(since seeing one of the therapists at the centre i go to in the changing room of the gym i attend) that i had so much shame around my body. I always knew that i had problems with my body image, but after she saw me stark naked, i realised just the depth of the shame i had surrounding my body. . Trust is something that i have always found difficult. I know that part of the reason for this, is because i have been let down by people most of my life. When i changed therapists, during my recovery, ifound that internally i was in a constant battle over whether i could trust him or not. I guess, part of mefelt, for some time, fear and mistrust over whether or not he would stay. Also, i feared trusting too soon. I felt, pretty much straightaway, thati could trust him, but yet, i was afraid to go down that path for some time. Earlier on, whenever i took a step and trusted him on some level, there was a part of me that started panicking over taking that step. . I find for me trust is something, that during various times in life, it is important for me to revisit. In the past i found trusting people on the outset extremely difficult, whereas now, it is rebuilding trust with people who have let me down. I am currently contemplating the trust worthiness of some people that i have been let down by, in different ways. It is definitely harder to rebuild trust, after you have been let down. I am not saying that it is an impossibility, though sadly, in some cases this is so. I know one person, who for the moment i do not trust her, but know that there is still hope of working through that. However, in cases where i have been shattered, i know that rebuilding trust is out of the equation. Sometimes i have found it difficult to accept that i really do not trust certain people. However, in order to do that it is important to firsty acknowledge it, and then in time it does become easier to accept that fact. . Communication is a huge part of what eating distress (or lack thereof) is all about. Personally, i believe that it not voicing, or even at times, being unable to voice your views that leads to depression. Depression and eating distress, for the most part, tend to go hand in hand. However, i would say that how a message is relayed is important - it is always important forall parties involved (especially during times of conflict), to air their views. This can lead firstly, to a clearer understanding of the problem from both sides. If one person doesn t get to voice their views, whether that be because a message was relayed to them in an appropriate manner, or by choice, it can lead you to feelings of hurt, anger, resentment etc. Some things are best said to the person one-on-one, and not by e-mail, text etc, as otherwisethe receiver of the message is left hanging. The power of being able to voice their views was taken away from them, even ifthey do see the other perspecive. Personally, i believe that it is unfair for one person to get to air their views when another person is left hanging with whatever feelings they have. I was in such a situation recently, and what hurt more was not what the message entailed, but the how it was delivered. If you feel a need to respond straight away, what i would suggest is to imagine yourself in the recipients shoes - how would you feel if the same message was relayed to you. . Throughout myrecovery, the word condition has always niggled at me. . It has always bothered me the way that people claim something to be the negativity. I will admit that i have a tendecy to be hard on myself, but personally, by saying it the negativity takes away firstly, from the fact that the eating distress is part of who i am. It has made me who i am today. I would not be the person i am, if i had never suffered with eating distress. I believe that you have to embrace the ed inorder to move on. Also, i feel that by focusing on whether something is positive or negative, can potentially, have the impact of keeping you trapped in the black white (all-or-nothing) way of being. I prefer to just take things as they come. I m not as hard on myself as i used to be. This hasn t come about by focusing on positive versus negative etc, it has come about through communication - being honest with people etc. I know it sounds simple enough written here, but beleive me, it not quite as simplistic as that. Everyone journey is unique. . Throughout my recovery i had heard people say that they had regrets about what they had missed out on in life etc, and how they saw regrets as being a negative. In my opinion, having regrets is a positive trait. By being able to acknowledge that you do have regrets is a trait that also enables a person to be able to acknowledge when they have done something wrong, and as a consequence of this, more able to apologise. From my experience, it is those that don t have regrets that are least likely to be able to admit their humaneness and apologise. One of my family members would have been this way, and as a consequence of not having regrets, is unable to apologise for his shortcomings. He is the type of person that always tries to make something out to be of the other person doing. I see that being able to acknowledge that you have regrets is a sign of strength, whereas if you live a life without being able to acknowledge regrets, that is a harder place to be in. We are all human, and a part of being human, is being able to be humble, and even to reflect back on what could have been. However, it is importantnot to dwell on these too much - but more to use these as an opportunity for learning, on where to go from here. . For a long time during my recovery process, i was unable to acknowledge or admit that i was feeling angry about certain situations. Later on, i would have been able to acknowledge it within, but without verbalising it. I used to feel so ashamed if i felt angry, because i saw anger as being a sign of weakness. However, i am glad to say that today my experience is different. I am able to acknowledge that i am feeling angry, and more able to do what needs to be done to address the issue at hand. Also, it is through anger that we truly find our own inner strength, and really get to know more about who we are. Also, it is through anger where we truly find where our own values lie. Like any other emotion, it is not a negative - any emotion, whatever it is, is positive. Some feelings are unpleasant, but being able to acknowledge any feeling, whatever it is, is a sign of strength and of growing awareness. . Throughout my recovery process i went through various elements of vulnerability. Even though now recovered, the vulnerability is still there - however unlike before, when i would have hid from the world, i am now able to go out and hold my head up high, and get on with whatever it is that needs to be done on any given day. I went through a patch during my recovery, that the vulnerability was quite intense, that it was almost like fear. The vulnerability would have been at its peak duringtimes when i was trying to ground and reaffirm who i was, and having certain aspects knocked by various people around me (i. E. Work colleagues, family, friends and acquaintances). An example that comes to mind in my current life, is with a work colleague, who is constantly inconsistent - in the past this would have had the impact of me questioning myself, whereas now i can see that this is her way of trying to show her power. Anyhow, vulnerability is something that does not disappear with recovery, though it does become more manageable. Through recovery the impact of what vulnerability does, does not have the same hold as it once did. Vulnerability, like many other aspects of what recovery entailed, are part of what being human is about. . Hi, my name for anonymity purposes on this site, will be irish amethyst. The purpose of this website is to highlight the hell of what living witheating distress is like. I suffered withfood and or body image issues on off since i was 14, for quite a number of years. Not something i would wish on my worst enemy!. I am hoping that this site will provide encouragement to other sufferers, but also to highlight the dangers involved, because sadly, in light of technology today, too many people are using websites to look for tips etc. That is not my intention!. Today, i am glad to be able to sit year, and finally declare myself recovered. I truly believe it is possible for each and every individual - it is not an easy journey, but definitely a most worthwhile one!. I hope you enjoy the site, and find it beneficial in some way. Don& ,t forget to sign my guestbook and let me know what you think. Thanks for stopping by! Happy reading!. Disclaimer please note that i have no control, whatsoever, over any of the ads that appear on this website. If, for any reason,you find them offensive in any way, i apologise. Please tread carefully when following any links that may appear on this website (or any other website for that matter). Remember you are the important person here, please look after yourselves, and make the right decision for you. . I felt that it was important for me to right something on the subject of the pro ed sites that exist in cyber space today. Please remember these are just my view points on the matter. Feel free to e-mail me with your opion on the matter, even if you do disagree. At the end of the day, we are all individual, so our opinions and values are not going to always tally with one another. . During my recovery i found the internet to be a great salvation however, i must stress that it is up to each and every individual to make constructive decisions as to what we hope to gain from the internet. Are the websites constructive to us and our recovery, or are they trying to show that living life by the rules of eating distress is the only way. I know myself that i found great salavation from the internet, however as most people are aware, there are many pro ed sites out there. Some sites may on the outset, appear to be harmless, but when you browse deeper through them they are far from helpful. There is one site that i used to go to for unproductive reasons however, over the past couple fo years i have ventured back to that website and actually read the information contained therein. The information within the site is excellent, but the pictures are what took away from the aim of the website. . I would encourage each individual, if they are going to websites in order to get triggered, or for ways to stay in the eating disorder, to try and challenge themselves. Fair enough, we all find ourselves in websites accidentally from time to time. Can we turn this around and perhaps, do something constructive - write to the webmaster or the search engine, and express your views on the website. If a friend told you that they were going to pro ed websites, what would your reaction be? Would you encourage or discourage them to continue doing so?. I feel very vehemently on this subject. I am by no means, an angel as i, like many people ventured towards these sites in the past. I however, still found myself back then (and even still) shocked and appalled that people create sites to encourage people to stay in the condition. I know that during my worst times i felt as if i was in a black hole, and there is no way that i would wish that on my worst enemy. It is up to us to question why people create such sites. I would challenge anyone who ventures towards these sites to act pro-actively, let the webmasters etc know that you do not agree with their actions. . That is all i will say on the subject for now, but please, make the right decision for you and your recovery. Remember we are all here to support each other, and hence, this is a pro-recovery site. . The answer to that is hard to explain, because like everything else in life it is a personal journey. How long will it take? Thereis no concrete answer to that. The only sure way of finding the answer is by sticking with it, and then at the end of the journey you will know that it took not one day, or even two, but you will know that you have made it. Is it easy? I say no - in fact, far from it. I must say that it is one of the hardest ventures that i have ever undertaken in my life - harder even, that the time i jumped out of a plane - that was scary, but nothing can be compared to, or even come close to the fear that recovery brings. I remember being toldthat the fear would lessen, by taking the small steps. At the time, to me, it felt that sometimes these small steps didn& ,t count - i used to wish that there was a magic wand. Personally, i used to find the fear paralsying. Ibelieve that i had to go through the pain to finally come into my being - being a whole person as i am. According to carl rogers, in therapy you have to come into tune to what your heart wants, rather than listening to external factors, but that does take time. Through personal development work i have done, i have heard that the average person needs7 years of counselling to get to that level, and these are non-sufferers. So, let me tell you this - there is nothing to be ashamed of for seeking help - you are worth it!. Recovery, in essence, is about becoming aware of yourself on many levels. It is about becoming aware of who you are, and what you want out of life, or even aspire to become. It is about bringing unknown issues conflicts into your awareness, it is becoming aware about how you either respond or react in different situations, or to different types of people. What is the difference between bringing things into your awareness, and your sub-conscious? I& ,ll leave you to ponder over that one, as there is no quick answer. Again, it is a personal thing. . For many people who suffer with eating distress, food is not the only coping mechanism used. Sometimes the distress that a person is going through, can be so overwhelming, that something has got to give. . Personally, i have had many behaviours. At different stages in my life, i used to hit my legs when i felt upset (even as young as 5), and it always helped with feelings of helplessness, anger,loneliness etc. . Many people cut, burn, pull their hair etc, to name a few. Personally, at different stages of my life, i have adapted different coping mechanisms. I must say that the shame i felt over the fact i had an eating disorder, was nothing compared to the shame i felt over some of my other behaviours. . I have found writing to be an invaluable asset on my journey. It gets out what is boggled up inside, amongst all the chaos and confusion. I have found that there are times when the pen has greater power than we realise. There have been times when i have just sat down and written - i have just let the pen rip not knowing what was coming, as i had absolutely no idea what i was feeling - but writing gets it out in a clear and concise way. I find that free-flowing writing is best. Unedited of course, because by editing you really are just lying to yourself. You do not necessarily have to show anyone if you don& ,t want to!. I believe, that for me, writing has played an important role in my recovery, due to the fact that i am not a very forthcoming person. I find it so hard to divulge any information to my consellor - without being prompted in some shape or form. So, instead i will drop hints, on occasion, in my letters to her on what i would like to talk about. Hence, if i do not volunteer the information myself, she can (hopefully) then steer the conversation towards a specific topic. I know that this is not the ideal scenario, especailly as our time together is limited, and if a lot has come up for me since i last saw her, she would not necessarily know which topic(s) are of greater importance to me. I do not know whether or not, i will ever be able to willingly, and openly, just volunteer information. Time is the key to that i& ,m afraid, and i am no fortune-teller. . I am by no means saying that writing is easy - in fact far from it! But for me, it is safer than bringing something out into the open through talking. I think, that this is probably due to the fact one of the main causes of eating distress is not talking saying what is on our minds. We come experts at keeping things to ourselves. I guess this could be a reason as to why writing is so much easier for me - it seems a far safer option. Besides, i can always edit a letter before sending it, but you can& ,t take back what is said. There are days, and or weeks that i simply cannot write - i may end up writing today on what happened yesterday. This is particularly the case when i feel despondent, yet, that is probably the time that i should be writing. . I have always had an avid interest in photography, but it is only recently that i took the plunge, and bought myself a decent camera. Even though it cost more than i would have liked, it has been so beneficial for me. Photography is so therapeutic. During times when i have felt as if i were drowning, and went out with my camera, it did pick me up a little, even though it was only for a short while. Granted, it did not last, but aren& ,t those few seconds of peace of mind worth it!?! . Personally, i prefer taking landscape pictures, than pictures of buildings and or people. Photography really does make you focus on the task in hand, despite what else is going on. Peter lik, an australian photographer, is fantastic! I admire peter lik, and his work so much. I will never be of the calibre he is, but i still enjoy photography. Photography can indirectly, make you appreciate the finer things in life, but it can make you hate some of the simple things too! As a photograher you can come to hate the sun (even in the irish climate), because it can ruin what would have been a nice picture, by coming out at inappropriate times!. For photography you really do need patience. Some of the best photographers in the world (peter lik, for example) do get up in the wee hours of the morning, and then wait patiently for that ever perfect picture. Patience is a requirement of photography, especially if you take a picture of something that has been taken countless times before you - you want to give it that extra something. Peter lik took a fantastic picture of the golden gate bridge in san francisco. He said himself that there are numerous pictures of the golden gate bridge , so he wanted to give it something else, that would make his picture spectacular. This particular picture was taken in the early hours of the morning, and it truly is a fantastic picture!. I think that hobbies are so beneficial in recovery. Hobbies, can take you away from whatever is going on with you for the moment. Granted, some say that is avoidance, and that it will need to be tackled sooner or later. But by taking some time out for yourself, it might actually better prepare you for dealing with the muck. If you feel better internally, isn& ,t it natural that you would be better prepared to face whatever is going on head on. At least, that is my viewpoint anyway!. Even as a child, i was always an avid reader. My family could tell you many a tale, where i would be cartingno fewer than six books around after me!!! Even back then, there was many a time where i would hop from one book to another, not having yet finished the previous one. Oncemy eating distress started taking over though, reading no longer held any interest for me. It seemed more like a chore, rather than something to do for pleasure. The books that i did read were ones that foucsed in on the eating distress, which i used counter-productively. . At this stage in my recovery, i am slowly trying to read books for pleasure. It is so difficult though. When i feel low, nothing holds any interest for me. I just seem to lack the motivation for anything on those days - and it is hell!. Reading, because it makes you focus on the task in hand, can actually slow you down. It is one way of grounding yourself. This is probably due to the fact that it is difficult to concentrate on the book, if you are doing other things. I know for me, that there are times when i would read pages on end, butbecause of everything that is racing through my head, i would have absolutely no idea as to what i had just read. Maybe in time, i will be able to just sit down and read, without having to re-read a chapter or ten, all because of the fact that i was not concentrating on the task in hand. . There was a time when iwould have enjoyed general fiction, such as josephine cox, but i prefer a story with some action. A good old thriller, or crime is what does it for me. It gets the adrenaline going! One author that i really do enjoy is lynda la plante. Her books are easy to read, butat the same time, are gripping. You get wrapped up in the story. I would highly recommend her elaine paige novels. I find that because she is so easy to read, that even during times when i really don t feel like reading she has the ability to entice you into the story. You don t need to concentrate too much on the story to know what is going on, and that is always a plus when you suffer with eating distress - at least in my book!. Growing up, we always had an animal of some kind or another. When i was young we had a cat, but she was much more of a wild cat, than a household cat. She did not care to be around people too much. Sometimes we would not see her for weeks on end, she was most definitely a self-reliant cat. . Some years after we moved from that house, we got another cat - a blue-eyed white. We only had her about two years, before she ran away never to be seen again. I am probably the reason she ran away, because there are pictures of me holding her, and i am nearly strangling her with affection, and won t let her go - despite the fact that she is trying to get away from me. Isn t it any wonder that she ran away - i think not!. Then shortly after the cat ran away, we got a dog (a golden labrador). I loved him so much. I don& ,t care what anyone says about him being the family dog - i beg to differ, he was really my dog. I chose his name afterall. I was the one who used to take him for his walks, but i did not see that as being a chore - it was a great way to get away from things that were going on at home. Also, when i was studying for my leaving certificate, it was as if he knew what was going on. He used to lie outside my bedroom window when i was studying. He was indirectly giving me some support. I was also the only one of the family who could control him in certain situations. For example, he used to hate motorbikes, and would attempt to jump out at them. But with me he never did, i used to talk to him in a calm way, that calmed him down - not only that, i used to hold the lead in a certain way, that would make it impossible for him to jump out - i had the greater power in situations like this. He used to always get a sense of when i was upset too, and he would try to kiss me - thanks, but no thanks. . Also, when i was younger i used to go horse riding. I used to find horse riding to be so calming. It was a great way to get away from my troubles too! Bareback riding, and cross-country riding was what i loved best about riding. I loved the sense of freedom i felt when catering through the fields, and going over the jumps. That has got to be one of the greatest feelings! Even the mere fact that i would arrive home afterwards with muck all over my hair and face did not matter - that was the whole fun of it! I used to compete in various competitions too, but it was not the winning that mattered to me (but that was always a bonus), but the sense of accomplishment, just by the mere fact that i competed was worth it. Being around the horses was so therapeutic for me. I used to help out at the local stables too, and the actual work to me did not matter - it did not feel like work, because i loved being around the horses so much! Even mucking out the stables was fun! Many people, i& ,m sure, would disagree with me here though. During the summers i used to go on a pony camp, and they were such fun - riding on the beach, riding bareback, swimming on the horses. They were experiences that were worth it - looking back, there is no way that i would have missed those for the world, despite some of the hardships that arose at them. . I currently have a cat. Not officially though - my neighbours cat has adopted me. She is great at giving hugs too! She is definitely one cat that demands your attention. Despite the fact that i am allergic to cats, i am not allergic to this particular cat! I have always had trouble with my allergies and cats. This cat is such an attention-seeker too, but i don t mind. I love petting her, and holding her etc. She is such a babe sweetheart. If i ever move, my neighbours better watch out, just in case their beloved cat goes missing! The cat comes to me for the affection, and goes to her (official) owners for the food - i think i have the better half of the bargain. I don t have to fork money out on food, or veterinary bills!. During my recovery, my love of dancing was reignited. I find that dancing at various stages has helped me so much in regards to my recovery, particularly in regards to the body image. When dancing. When dancing (and feeling comfortable with the type i am doing) i feel so alive, and at peace with myself. When dancing, i always tend to feel so in tune with my body. I tend to feel so connected, and at peace. . I do feel, however, that having the right instructor is paramount to the enjoyment of dance. I went to a class at one point, and it wasn t the usual instructor. I didn t get a sense that i was feeling the music. For me to feel connected in my body, i need to feel that i m feeling the music. It not about the music, but how motivational and inspirational the instructor is. . I feel that dancing is paramount to my ongoing recovery, as it has helped a lot with my self-consciousness, especially in regards to body image. In the dance classes i& ,ve done so far, there have always been people of all shapes and sizes. I did feel very self-conscious doing an african dance that i embarked upon some time back, but i suppose part of that has to do with the culture of living in ireland - in that, we tend to be more inhibited than those living in other cultures. . I find that trying out different dance styles and or instructors can be fun, as through that i can find out what suits me best. I also find the social aspect an added bonus, in (hopefully) getting to know new people etc. . Ever since i was a kid, i& ,ve always found it dificult to make friends. In school, i was one of these kids who was afraid of her own shadow. I remember times in class where i was the only one (or so it appeared) to know the answer of something, but was so afraid of saying it, as i was too shy, but also afraid of the sound of my own voice. I always feared that others would riddicule and laugh at me (which happened quite frequently anyway), hence i kept very much to myself. It always seemed easier that way. . Throughout the years i have made friends from different avenues of my life - sadly, a lot of these are now part of my past. I know that i did push people away when i was in the depth of my ed, but i also felt that i was always the one who tried to maintain the contact, whereas they did not. There came a time then, when i got fed up with this, and gave up. Any friendship that is to last, needs to be a bit of give and take from all those concerned. Whereas, in many of my past relationships i always felt that i was the one making the effort. It transpired, that as soon as i stopped making the effort, in maintainingcontact, that all contact broke down. . There have been times where i ve got an e-mail out of the blue from one such friend, wondering about tickets for all-irelandmatches. She always thought thati d have easy access to tickets. Even when we were in close contact, i never managed this, so don t know why she thought i would, especially after not hearing from her in over a year. These type of situations always had the effect of me feeling used etc. . Over the past year or so, i have made some amazing friends - and yes, there seems to be a bit of give and take. For the first time in my life, i really do feel accepted for being me! I have found that i can talk to them about nearly anything, and not feel judged etc. It& ,s been reassuring in one way, and it has also had the effect of encouraging me to seek out other ways of meeting people - be it through a hobby or some other means. I did try one such thing last february, but i found the travelling to be too much - so did not stick at that. However, i am always looking for new ways to meet people. . I do feel that i need to do things where i will meet a few guys (just as friends), as that is something that bothers me. Girlfriends are good in one way, but i feel that how you relate to male and female friends are so different. I ve always been able to have a laugh easier with my male friends, as they don t tend to judge you based on materialistic things (clothes, make-up etc). Because their sense of humour is so different, i connect on a different level with them. I tend to feel more at ease with male friends, when there is nothing else attached (this usually changes if he communicates more than a passing interest in me - i run 90 miles an hour in the opposite direction. I am now at a place in my life, no matter what any of my family says, i am happy being single for the moment. . I do believe that all relationships are something that you have to continually work on, as when we wake up tomorrow we are no longer the same person as we are today - different experiences tend to happen us (no matter how seemingly significant), that do impact on usin some way. I sincerely believe that as human beings, we are continually changing and evolving. . The good life is a process, not a state of being. The journey is the direction, not the destination. Carl rogers. Always remember though,, that recovery is a very individual process - that there is no timeframe, written in stone, so to speak. What recovery means for me is going to be different for everyone. I have always viewed recovery as being like a journey towards self-fulfillment, and a journey of healing lifes hurts etc. Recovery is more than dealing with the symptoms - it is deeper rooted than that. To all extents and purposes i may appear recovered, but i don t consider myself recovered just yet. There are still areas of my life that i need to work on, but sometimes i get a shock when i make positive strides in considering my own values, and being true to them. I have a friend who in the past taught me so much, which has now gone the complete circle in the opposite direction - it is now i, who is teaching her. This surprises me in one way, but it also shows me where i ve come from, and where i am destined. . Recovery is about finding your true self. By that, i mean finding things that bring you satisfaction. Finding out what things (hobbies) bring you enjoyment, finding out what you want out of life. . Exercise, is slowly starting to become pleasurable. It was never one of my methods of compensation, but as my previous therapist told me, that i do need to tread carefully, as anything can become a trigger, once you have the susceptability. . Itried to just quit numerous times, but it just never seemed towork. I want out so badly, but i used to get so scared of letting go. I was stuck as a consequence of the fear - i was scared to go back to where i was, but also scared to move on without it. Thisresulted in me just feeling stuck. I felt that i shouldbe able to just move forward - best foot forward and all that, right? Wrong!. I didn t know what else is there, if i didn t have the ed? Who or what wouldi be without it? It has gotten me through rough times, without it i most definitely would not have managed. As a consequnce of this i believedthat if this was the case why let go? My behaviours were a routine to me, and part of me did not want to change. As my previous therapist used to say it has served you a purpose over the years , so hence, i felt why should i let it go? Also, until all the muck is dealt with it is something that will remain. . This album i could identify only too well with. Even though christina was singing about her own personal life experiences, i could relate my eating distress to the words she used in her songs. I could not help but feel for christina in this ablum, and her strength is quite evident too - not only by the lyrics, but the music and the strength from her voice. She truly sings from the heart. . This is a compilation of music, written and produced by laurie daily herself. The music is based on her own recovery. The lyrics rang so true for me. One of the lines from one of her songs even a blind man can tell, when he is walking in the sun , for me, spoke volumes. Overall, i found her album to be inspirational. . A compilation of irish ballads. I am no sinead o connor fan, but i loved this album. You can hear from sinead voice, how she put her heart and soul into this album. It is rippling with emotion - like an undercurrent, if you like. You can hear from her voice the intensity of emotion that she putinto this compilation. I would most definitely recomment this album. Irish ballads are part of our culture afterall. . I read a book onboundaries, some time back, which gave me the idea that maybe i should include a section here on the topic too. The book ireading was insightful, in that, within my own family situation, i could see the shortcomings of my dysfunctional family. . It is said that the space between family members (or any relationship) is crucial to the personal development of that being. Too little space (enmeshment) can be just as harmful as too much space - if not more so. It is crucial that the right amount of space (physical, emotional and sexual) rests between individuals. . Looking back on my family situation, for the live of me, i cannot remember a time when my mother actually said i love you. It may have been implied by actions tasks carried out, but i simply cannot remember a time when the words actually came from her lips. On the one hand, my mother is very distant, but on the other, she can become overinvolved in my life. She likes to know everything that is going on. She cannot seem to accept, that my life is my life, and not hers. Sometimes, when speaking to her i feel smothered, as if i& ,m drowning - that is hardly a health relationship now, is it?. Dad, on the other hand, i think has the right balance. He (for the most part) provides a supportive atmosphere for all of us siblings. He is there for us, if we want, but does not make us feel as if we are drowning. There is no power struggle with dad. . Not letting them make their own mistakes - just because you have made mistakes in the past, does not mean that someone else will too. We all have to live and learn from our mistakes. Also, how your relationships are within your own family situation do merge out into other relatioships - be that friends, sexual, work relationships. I know for me, i tend to shy away from intimacy - i have recently realised that i do have a fear of engulfment. For example, if i like a guy that is fine, but lo-and-behold if he dare show an interest in me, i tend to run away as fast as i can, and i will go to great lengths with that too. Very much a tom and jerry scenario. At the moment i cannot see how that will ever change, but hopefully in time it will. . I am currently feeling trapped in an unusual boundary scenario. I am a member of a gym, and have seen a couple of the therapists, who work at the centre i go to there too - which i am not entirely comfortable with. One deliberation that i have, is due to the fact that i suffer with body image problems, and one of the therapists has seen me stark naked in the changing room there - not my own therapist thank god - but feel a bit awkward about that. Maybe they won& ,t believe me anymore, that i have ed problems. I have always turned my back on her. I think i feel more self-conscious than i would have done otherwise, in that, if she did not know about my ed. How stupid does that sound!?! . Other infringements on boundaries include have boundaries which are either too loose or too rigid, as both can (and do) impact other people, which may lead to feelings of hurt, resentment etc. Healthy boundaries need to be flexible, and adaptable, pending on the situation. If you are not honest, you are in essence, allowing someone to continually do whatever it is they are doing. You are indirectly giving the message that it& ,s ok. These are just my viewpoints on this, and what i have learnt over the past while. . Also, being aware of your own needs is a very important step here. If you are not aware of what your own needs are, it is difficult to stand your ground on something. Remember when speaking to always speak from the i perspective, as then you cannot be bashed down, as no one can argue with how you are feeling. Also, be careful not to use the psycho babble which you may have learnt through your recovery, as that can only lead to feelings ofhurt, anger, resentment etc. . If you are sensitive, watch out for any signs of control coming from another party - as control isnever a fun place to be in! (i put this in, as i come from a family where control was a huge factor for me). When someone becomes controlling, it is usually asign of their own lack of assertiveness - this can be seen through arrogance as well. . Do you know your own style when dealing with conflict? Passive, assertive, passive-aggressive or aggressive? There is a fine line between being assertive and aggressive. An aggressive person tries to get their needs met, whilst blocking another person needs. An assertive person is willing to look at someone else point of view. Aggression is not always coming from a place of anger. Someone could be using aggression, and yet have a charm about their disposition too. If you know what your own style is, it is easier to spot another person style. . Suffering with eating distress during times of holidays is extremely stressful, but in particular around the christmas season. For many, christmas is seen as being a time of peace and joy, and reaquainting with friends family that you may not have seen in a long time. For sufferers of eating distress this is far from the case. Whether those who are close to the sufferer or not know is immaterial. The suffering is still there. . Unfortunately holidays tend to be focused around food, which can unintentionally aggravate the condition. Going by christmas just gone (december 2002), i think that it must be easier for those whose friends families do know. I am not saying that this makes it easy - that is far from the case! But when home over the christmas period, so many different things were said to me, which i found triggering, tasetless and hurtful. If my family had in fact known about my eating distress, i might have been in a better place to inform them that the comments that were coming my way were not beneficial in any way. I still cannot seem to bring myself to tell them though, despite the hardship i endured over the christmas break. . I would advice friends families to treat it like any other mealtime, if at all possible - just be patient with the sufferer, as the sufferer is more than likely going through hell on the day, due to the focus on food. Try to include the sufferer in other things going on during the day. Also realise, that it is difficult for someone with eating distress to be away from their routine on any given day. For those who have had to travel in order to make it home for christmas this can be more so. . For sufferers of eating distress, try (if at all possible) not to focus so much on the food. If you slip-up don t worry, it is only one day, and it won t make you a better worse person because of this. Take things slowly, and only do as much as you are comfortable with. . I would like to take this opportunity to address something which is important to people at all stages in the recovery process from an eating disorder. This not only applies to people who are active in their behaviours, but even to those who have even recovered. . Recently i went through a stressful time. It felt as if the history of having had an eating disorder was catching up on me, despite the fact that i have been symptom free for quite some time now. I know that the eating disorder isn t the only cause for the problems i have faced this past week. Grinding my teeth in my sleep hasn t helped either. . Anyhow, i faced one of my greatest fears. I (finally) made an appointment to go to the dentist, and actually kept it too. I really had no choice, considering that a tooth was half way out anyway. The dentist i chose was very nice, and i felt really comfortable with him - i even told him about my history. I am glad that i did - never in my wildest dreams did i ever think i would tell a dentist of all people that part of myself. Anyhow, after years of teeth grinding, i am finally going to get a gum shield, to try and protect, insofar as possible, any further wearing down of my teeth, due to grinding. . Sadly, the tooth had to be pulled - not very pleasant, but it was what needed to be done. I kind of knew that this was probably going to be case - my teeth, or so i thought, had been one area where i thought i had gotten off lightly, considering what could have been. It seems that it is only now that i am paying for the years of self abuse. . I would urge everyone to at least get a regular check-up, because as the saying goes a stitch in time, saves nine. If i had kept up with having regular check-ups, chances are that my tooth, which is now gone, could have been saved. Also, i might have got a gum shield sooner, yes, better late than never, but as always, prevention is better than cure. . I know that facing the dentist fears is never easy, i don t know anyone who likes going to the dentist. The dentist i found, i have to thank marino for, because the number was in a newsletter from when i first started attending marino. Something possessed me to keep those newsletters, and as it turned out - there was a reason. I can t recommend the dental clinic i attended highly enough. The dentist explained very clearly what he was doing all the way through, and the dental hygienist was very sympathetic too - during the more invasive work, she would place her hand over mine etc. The dentist thought i was brave, but i think it was more the fact that during the time i was waiting for the appointment, i had accepted that the chances that the tooth was going to have to go was more than probable. . I feel sad that i am still paying for years of self abuse, and know that more damage could happen if i do not get that gum shield. Despite the financial implications, it will be worth it in the long run!. Don& ,t fear the dentist, as his goal is to save your teeth, where possible. If you can, try and be honest about your symptoms. It is in your interest to be honest, as the more informed he is, the more care he can give you. Granted, chances are that any dentist can guess the reasons surrounding the damage, but it is always better to be upfront about it. My experience has shown me, that there are caring, kind dentists out there, and who will do their best to make you feel at ease. If this was my experience, why should it be any different for you!?!. Below you will find my reasons for why i persisted with recovery. Maybe some of you may be able to identify with some of what i have written, but i must emphasise that these are my reasons, and my reasons only. What works for one person may not necessarily work for another. Enjoy!. I hate the insomnia - the sleepless nights have got to be one of the worst things. During the day i can try to keep busy to avoid whatever it is that is going on at that particular point and time, but at night, there is no escaping it. Fear of being found out by family friends who don t know about the ed - people tend to judge what they do not understand, and i know with a certainty that i would be judged. Some of my friends that do know, just don t seem to get it. If i happen to mention that i will be late because i have my usual friday night appointment , or something along those lines, i can detect the disgust and the awkwardness in their voice. I am scared to stay where i am at at the moment, when you start having involuntary episodes you know that it is time to get help - and now! Thankfully this has not happened me in a few months, and at the time it did happen i was in total denial - i claimed that it was just a stomach bug , which at the time i honestly believed was the case. It is only now when i look back that i realise that it was more than a stomach bug. . One thing that most people would agree on (sufferers and experts alike) is that it is about feelings. It is a very effective way of numbing your feelings. Not exactly the ideal scenario, but effective yes. . One thing that my previous cousellor used tosay is that it is to do with being negative towards myself. I tended to disagree. Iagree thati have a tendency to be hard on myself, but negative - hell no! To the outside world i am super-confident, plenty of self-esteem etc. All my friends have even told me that i am a confident indivual. Or maybe, it just that i m a good actress. Any jobs going in hollywood? . The bottom line of what it is about, is that it is a way of dealing. Again, not the ideal way, but an effective way yes. It has helped me get through situations that i really do not believe i would have got through if it had not been for the ed. . I remember one time, during my earlies stages, i hit a new place in my recovery, where i had a momentary belief that it really is not about food afterall , but again thatslipped away from me for some time. The evening i came to that realisation, i was struggling something awful, and engaging in the behaviours was the preferable option than using other unhealthy coping methods. That particular evening i could very clearly see what the payoff was. . Please note, that the most recent ones that i& ,ve added can be found at the end of the page. I intend at some point to categorise them, but for now - this is the way it is. . ~my mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others. And that& ,s nice too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement, and forget about success~ (helen hayes). ~i have always been drawn to nature, and am constantly aware of weather, wildness and the glorious freedom to explore. I become hypnotised by its immensity~ (hazel brown). ~my favourite images are always the ones i can look back on and say i wouldn t change a thing. Ironically, they are the images best received by the public. Quite the reverse if i hate it, everyone else thinks it great~ (amy brown). ~after all, one can& ,t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that rabbit bumped into me and said bother! The social round. Always something going on~ (eeyore, winne the pooh). ~eeyore took his tail out of the water, and swished it from side to side. As i expected, he said. Lost all feeling. Numbed it. That what it done. Well, as long as nobody minds, i suppose it all right~ (winnie the pooh). ~the fact is, said rabbit, you& ,re stuck. It all comes, said pooh crossly, of not having front doors big enough. It all comes, said rabbit sternly, of eating too much~ (winnie the pooh). ~success can make you go one of two ways. It can make you a prima donna, or it can smooth the edges, take away the insecurities, let the nice things come out~ (barbara walters). ~the good life is a process, not a state of being. The journey is the direction, not the destination~ (carl rogers). ~hold to the now, the here, through which all future plunges to the past. ~ (james joyce). ~everything is possibility. Everyone we meet is an opportunity. Every morning is full of chances to become, to change, to grow~ (michael meegan). ~every person born into this world represents something new, something that never existed before, something original and unique. It is the duty of every person to know. That there has never been anyone like him in the world, for if there had been someone like him there would have been no need for him in the world. Every single man is a new thing in the world and is called upon to fulfill his particularity in this world ~ (martin buber). ~freedom starts with tearing down the wall of the reality we have constructed around us in our heads. Life is full of surprises - some of them fabulous, others hurtful but we are not powerless pawns in a meaningless existence. We are on an epic journey~ (michael meegan). ~we need to have a purpose in our lives, no matter how unprocessed or unspoken this feeling is. We need to belong, to be fulfilled~ (michael meegan). ~my life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet i m happy. I can t figure it out. What am i doing right? ~ (charles m schulz). ~often there are days when i really don& ,t want to paint - i just have to paint. The urge to create is almost a wild, living entity trapped inside me, clawing to escape and leave its mark on the world~ (amy brown). ~people are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within~ (elizabeth kubler ross). ~the only think i regret about my past is the length of it. If i had to live my life again, i& ,d make the same mistakes, only sooner~ (tallulah bankhead). ~if we are not in touch with the light, we become lost and afraid. We can look for things to fill us, but only the light can complete us~ (michael meegan). ~somewhere in that space is the time we taste what we truly live, believe, are. There lies our living creed, the things we live our lives by. You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life~ (camus). ~when i hear tell of the character and the loyalty and devotion of dogs, i remain unmoved. All of my dogs have been scamps and thieves and troublemakers, and i& ,ve adored them all~ (helen hayes). ~the problem with people who run around is that they can& ,t wait for things to sort themselves out. They look at the earth and say, do this. They look at a problem and run around it but the universe will handle the details because nature unfolds perfectly without us. If we trust and let go, the magic of what is inside will work ~ (michael meegan). ~if you wish to glimpse inside a human soul and get to know a man, don t bother analysing his ways of being silent, of talking, of weeping, or seeing how much he is moved bynobleideas, you ll get better results if you just watch him laugh. If he laughs well, he a goodman~ (dostoevsky). ~it only there if you feel it. If you don t put it in your mind, it doesn t exist~ (michael meegan). ~it is destructive to imagine happiness exists somewhere in the future. Happiness is born here, this instant, we do not need to wait~ (michael meegan). ~i have often thought that people who built lighthouses, and those who kept them, were optimists. A lighthouse is a beacon to all on the sea - a sure sign that land is near and that someone aloft is keeping a steadfast eye for their safe passage~ (fletcher cairns). ~anxiety stems from the fear of not being approved of, not being wanted, of being rejected. The confidence of inner joy has no fear because there is nothing to lose~ (michael meegan). ~there is in every weak, lost and isolated member of the human race an agony of hatred born of his own helplessness, his own isolation. Hatred is the sign and expression of loneliness, of unworthiness, of insufficiency. And insofar as each one of us is lonely, is unworthy, each one hates himself~ (thomas merton). ~the world is not to be put in order, the world is in order. It is for us to put ourselves in unison with this order~ (henry miller). ~we are wounded only if we allow ourselves to be, belittled or reduced only if we absorb those things that would reduce us. Remember, no one can make us feel anything without our consent. We are all vulnerable, easy to wound~ (michael meegan). ~lets always change our hearts and forgive each other. Forgive ourselves and in time we will learn to see beyond the chains, maybe even into our hearts and there, if you look carefully enough, you will find a joy you never expected. It& ,s deep inside~ (michael meegan). ~like all great mysteries, the secrets of inner joy are very simple. They thrive all around us and are, as with everything that really matters, within our grasp~ (michael meegan). ~everyone has talent, and god gave me the athletic ability and competitiveness to go out there and push myself. It would be a disservice to myself if i couldn& ,t be the best athlete and best person i could be~ (mia hamm). ~i want to evoke and get to that little part of all our adult minds which is eternally childlike. The work speaks to that portion, and i think that makes it timeless. I want the work to be timeless in its own right~ (julie baroh). ~although there may be tragedy in your ife, there always a possibility to triumph. It doesn t matter who you are, where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always~ (oprah winfrey). ~when i despair, i remember that all through history truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it. Always~ (gandhi). ~when i work, i really work. I rub my eyes, and my makeup comes off, and i stick pencils in my hair~ (madelaine albright). ~we who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offered sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing the last of human freedoms - to choose one attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one own way. And there were always choices to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom, which determined whether or not you would become the plaything of circumstance. ~ (victor frankl). ~we are what lives in our hearts. We are what we give. We are what we celebrate in the moment of our presence in this life. Our deeds springs from the love within. The love in us pours from our union within. Our union within comes from being awake. Being awake comes from inner stillness. Inner stillness comes from silence. And silence is the door to compassion, to serenity. To a life of love and freedom~ (michael meegan). ~a woman told us she was forever getting herself into trouble but i just keep coming back , she said. I just keep showing up for my life. Being blessed with the rebirth that recovery brings~ (betty ford). ~anytime i was challenged and told i couldn& ,t do something, i would absolutely have to prove the opposite. And i did~ (heather mills mccartney). ~a true faerie is a spirit, a symbol, a metaphor. It can inhabit a tree, a horse, or a figure. We are creating a world of infinite possibility and interpreting it with a finite mind. That& ,s the beauty~ (john arthur). ~far away, there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but i can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead~ (louisa may alcott). ~i paint faeries how i see them, and how i want you to see them too. I love to tease the imagination so that some viewers see my faeries as sweet and innocent, while others see them as voluptous and sensual~ (linda biggs). ~my whole purpose in creating artwork stems from my general dissatisfaction with the world. Painting my own little worlds, populated with my own people and my own ideas, i can add a little fantasy to my life, and to the lives of others~ (jasmine becket-griffith). ~my fairy world is very real to me. Images of charm and magical beauty and innocence are waiting to appear from the little people who trust me so much - to bring a glimmer of hope, an innocent smile from a child, or a memory of a parent in a happy childhood past, telling bedtime stories~ (myrea pettit). ~tales in mythology and folklore stem from emotions, needs, desires, hopes and beliefs that have survived for thousands of years across hundreds of cultures. These things are part of the essence of being alive, and of being human~ (stephanie pui-munlaw). ~though they can be quite mischevious, i draw for the fairies. They have a message to convey of inner peace, beauty and kindness~ (myrea pettit). ~is it imagination that makes me want to paint? It& ,s not as simple as that. Imagination is the vehicle by which the ideas are shaped and transferred, what creates them lives deep within and cannot really be named~ (maria j william). ~when painting, i don t want to be overly focused. There a famous anecdote regarding goethe. When writing, he kept a box of rotting fruit by his desk. This distracted him enough to allow interplay between the conscious and the subsconcious~ (david delamare). ~i am happy as long as i can do the things i love to do. That is what makes the day worth living, and that is what enriches my life~ (ann mari sjogren). ~and of course, i am afraid, because the transformation of silence into language and action is an act of self-revealation, and that always seems fraught with danger. But my daughter, when i told her of our topic and my difficulty with it, said, tell them how you re never really a whole person if you remain silent, because there always that one little piece inside you that wants to be spoken out, and if you keep ignoring it, it gets madder and maddr and hotter and hotter, and if you don t speak it out one day it will just up and punch you in the mouth from the inside~ (audre lorde). ~i have found the most valuable thing in my wallet is my library card~ (laura bush) ~its better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life~ (sister elizabeth kenny) ~im very determined to help this country become its best self~ (marian wright edelman) ~action is the antidote to despair~ (joan baez) ~each of us finds our own path to survival. No path is ever walked the same way twice, but we need not walk alone~ (nancy goodman brinker) ~trouble is a sieve through which we sift our acquaintances. Those too big to pass through are our friends~ (arlene francis) ~you have to be willing to let go of the old dreams, and redefine them, and then you really are much happier~ (dana reeve) ~my grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group. There was much less competition~ (indira gandhi) ~remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent~ (eleanor roosevelt) ~i cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this years fashions~ (lillian hellman) ~it is not power that corrupts, but fear of losing it~ (daw aung san suu kyi) ~one cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few~ (anne morrow lindbergh) ~its easier not to start smoking than it is to stop~ (christy turlington) ~i wanted a perfect ending. Now ive learned, the hard way, that some poems dont rhyme, and some stories dont have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing whats going to happen next~ (gilda radner) ~my goal is to raise my three children to have faith, courage, and character like todd~ (lisa beamer) ~life itself is the proper binge~ (julia child) ~it is never too late to be what you might have been~ (george eliot) ~non-cooks think its silly to invest two hours work in two minutes enjoyment, but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet~ (julia child) ~i have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances~ (martha washington) ~if you bungle raising your children, i dont think whatever else you do well matters very much~ (jacqueline kennedy onassis) ~the beautiful woman is the one who really knows herself and makes the most of everything shes got~ (eileen ford) ~reality is a world as you feel it to be, as you wish it into being~ (diana vreeland) ~if you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing~ (margaret thatcher) ~movement never lies~ (martha graham) ~when i stand before god at the end of my life, i would hope that i would not have single bit of talent left, and could say, i used everything you gave me ~ (erma bombeck) ~one of the things that i learned the hard way is that it doesnt pay to get discouraged~ (lucille ball) ~you grow up the day you have the first real laugh at yourself~ (ethel barrymore) ~awful things can happen at any moment, so while they are not happening you may as well be pleased~ (nigella lawson) ~there are only two ways of spreading light to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it~ (edith wharton) ~i never painted dreams. I painted my own reality~ (frida kahlo) ~there is a fountain of youth it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age~ (sophia loren) ~i believe in plenty of optimism and white paint~ (elsie de wolfe) ~adventure is worthwhile in itself~ (amelia earhart) ~i wont be here forever, but my spirit will be and my style. They remain~ (coco chanel) ~may your life be like a wild flower. Growing freely in the beauty and joy of each day~ (native american proverb) ~education is an admirable thing. But it is well to remember that from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught~ (oscar wilde) ~what we live with we learn what we learn we practice what we practice we become~ (ernie larsen) ~you must open your own doors. If they are locked, i or anyone, can give you the keys, but you are the one that must unlock them. You are the one that must make the choice to unlock each door, open it, and pass through~ (. ~without question, taking the inner route towards recovery comes with its challenges. It is not for the closed-minded -- people who already have their own agendas. It is not for the fainthearted -- people who give up too easily or are unwilling to explore the unknown. Only you can make the final decision whether or not to take this route@ (. ~some people are determined to make excuses, others are determined to live. ~ (unknown). ~when you admit your weaknesses, you are truly strong. When you admit your weaknesses, you have walked half way to conquering them. ~ (som. ~in your own life, it& ,s time to stop being the passenger. You can and should start being the driver~ (. ~now as an adult, i build forts with my cat jupiter. We let the down comforters hang down all around the loft bed and stay in there playing silly games. Sometimes we sing songs and snap rubber bands, and dream of a world filled with forts made of blankets~ (sark). ~trust your feelings. Treasure them, nurture them, for they can lead you to your inner strength and power~ (unknown). ~there& ,s a big difference between anger and bitterness. Anger is something we can express and get out of us. Bitterness is something we carry on our shoulders like a weight. Anger is something we can feel, express and get rid of while bitterness holds us back from moving forward~ (unknown). ~there is a voice within you that speaks for what you know, inside your soul. There is a voice within you that can tell you what you may have forgotten, or have been afraid to try. There is a voice within you that truly knows you~ (unknown). ~on the path between us and our goals stand hurdles and challenges. Every road has its hurdles, each one we clear makes us stronger. Any positive change entails a period of discomfort as we rise from one level to the next. Life& ,s gifts often come carefully wrapped in difficulties and demands. We have only to open the package to reap the wisdom and rewards hidden within~ (d. Being fully recovered is an absolute fantastic feeling, especially as it is only in recent times that i have started to accept this. Being fully recovered does not mean that life is perfect, however it does mean that i can cope with situations without resorting to behavious. It means being comfortable with who i am, and other people opinions are not important. Being in a relationship with myself is top priority. There is so much freedom at this stage of my life, and so exciting. There was a time in my life where i gave up some of my passions, due to other people expectations - however, that is no longer the case. Through denying things i was passionate about, it had the impact of me realising just how passionate i was about certain things. . Also, it means, that as life is a continuam, there will always be some area of life that will need addressing or fine tuning, and i accept that as being part of the freedom that comes with full recovery. I am ok with that, and accept that as being my destiny. It means having the freedom to be me, and voice my opinions - even if others do not agree with them. As honesty is something i value, this is something i try to live by - i feel that honesty equals respect for others. . Also, i believe that the most challenging times of our lives, are what offer us the most important lessons to be learnt. Part of my freedom is being able to open up to people, and also, realising that i need to be able to have that freedom around what i articulate - because as a fire sign, one of my personality traits is to go with the flow, so if my enthusiasm for life is curbed in any way, it can have unpleasant results. . Freedom surrounding my body image was something that i struggled with. Part of my body image was tied in with some physical problems i was having (i suffered with digestive problems, which were far from pleasant). Going through the discomfort of the physicality of my stomach added to the shame i had surrounding my body. Also, the body image definitely tied in with owning my own sexuality. . Yes, there are some scenarios that may cause discomfort, but i know i have the tools in my toolbag, to deal with them in the best way i know how. Also, being recovered means acknowledging that i may not always deal with things in the ideal way - i am only human afterall, and no one is perfect, except at being perfect at being imperfect. . Being recovered means that i am ok if i feel sad, disheartened etc. , as feeling all feelings, regardless of what they are, is part of what being human is about. No one is happy all of the time, so why sould it be any different for me!?! Through recovery, i have found it harder to have that eggshell around me that i used to have - people tend to now know when i am feeling vulnerable or whatever, as it tends to show. . It is said that eating distress is an addiction. I beg to differ. Granted, when the urges used to hit, i felt thati couldn t control it, andthati just had to get on with it, and to hell with the consequences-maybe, in essence, that the same thing. . If it is not an addiction then what is it? A compulsion yes, most definitely - but not an addiction. Me, an addict? Hell no!. I have suffered with food body image issues for as long back as i can remember. When i was only six i used to go to dance class (ballet), and i remember always thinking how much my stomach stuck out, and what a clutz i was. I am a runner, not a dancer! What on earth were my parents thinking, sending someone with two left feet to ballet!?! Who knows. . One incident from when i was only six (i think) was centred around a family argument. Coincidentally, this argument appeared to me (through the eyes of an innocent six-year-old) to be centred around food. Isn& ,t it any wonder that i ended up having issues around food. . I have been down this road and back more times than i care to remember. I guess i must have been 14 the first time i started seriously restricting, but believe that the behaviours were there somewhat since i was maybe 11 or 12. By that i mean, either under or overeating, outside of what is the norm for most kids of that age. To look at me today, i am your average gym athlete. I do not stand out as been either under or overweight. I no longer engage in behaviourson the scale that i used to. . During the worst times of my struggle, i would have overeaten mostly andthen compensated in some shape or form. (i choose not to list my methods here, for fear that they may be triggering to some. I know that there was a time when just reading about behaviours i would be triggered). . Even though food body image appeared to be the issue, is is far from it- food is used as a way of coping with feelings, and yes, these feelings, once they start to surface can be quite scary. During the earlier stages of my struggles it usually feltas if it was about food. This was particularly the case during times when i found it difficult impossible to identify what i felt. My view on feelings back then was feelings? What are they?. I am nowrecovered. Recovery definitelyhad its moments - at times it felt likehell, because the feelings become quite intense (especially after being numb for so long). In the early stages of my recovery i was merely going through the motions of recovery, but thankfully in time i became an active participant in my recovery. In the beginning i very often felt as if i wasjust wasting my money and my counsellors time - not exactly the ideal situation, but thankfully, with time that did change. . When i first started therapy, i found articulating what was going on for me, and what i was feeling extremely difficult,as i used to be avery privateperson. In the past i wasn& ,t ableto divulge anything (especially anything of significance) to my counsellor without being prompted. I guess, in my upbringing, we just never did volunteer any information to complete strangers or acquaintances. Also, sometimes i wondered what does it matter anyway , or what would you care. These are things that inever voiced to my thentherapist though. . At this stage i can honestly say thatrecovery is possible. Even though life does through challenges my way from time to time, i know by the mere fact, that i am living it, that full recovery is posible. It is possible for anyone who wants it. To get to that belief, you just need to want it badly enough. I used to think that my previous therapist didn t have a clue, when she used to challenge me on that how much do you want it? It not just about wanting full recovery, but how much do you want it. Wanting and wishing for recovery are two different things -iused to think i wanted it, but in all honesty, it was more wishful thinking. I wanted it, but without having to do the work. . Full recovery goes far beyond the behaviours. It is being aware of who i am, and what i am striving towards. It is also about beinghappy and content in my own skin. It will mean that i am in control and not being controlled by a stronger force. When i say control, it is not about feeling a need to be in control, but more about living in the present moment. I now am much more aware of my emotions as and when they arise, and am more adept at addressing things that need to be addressed. Accepting that there will always be people in life who will challenge me in some shape or form, and dealing with as and when it arises. Basically i am living life more and more with each new dawn, rather than. During my worst times, it feltso tempting to just give up, and kick the bucket. Living in this hell always felt easier than fighting it. But when i look back, and can now see the bigger picture, that was just an illusion which i had created - it was so much harder living with e. D. Than living in the real world. Recovery is hard work, yes i agree. However, when i look at the day to day struggles i had when i was going through my worst times, i really was not happy. Recovery is hard work, but i am now living life, and that is the best reward of life. You may feel that you re different. I beg to differ. I used to think i was so weak and pathetic, and that i was different. Different maybe, because the exact same programme won t work for everyone. However, it about finding the right treatment and the right therapist for you. One won t work without the other. . Because of the fact that i doubted that full recovery was possible for so long, i used towonder why do i bother , but what kept me going was thatyou never know unless you try. Just because some people around you maydoubt about the possibility of full recovery being possible, do not let this deter you from striving for that goal, because maybe, just maybe, there is such a thing as full recovery - wouldn& ,t you prefer to find out for yourself if full recovery is possible, than not to try at all. . This section is for writings from other people. Currently i haven& ,t received anything for this section of the site, but if you would like to contribute please e-mail me at. , and also indicate whether you would like to put your name on it, or keep it anonymous. Anything welcome - poetry, stories, experiences etc. It is up to you!. First of all let me start off by saying that recovery is possible. I have been in recovery for over 10 years now! And although i have good and bad days, whether that be with eating or body image, they do not nearly last as long as it used to. . Early on in my recovery the resources i used to help me were journal writing - i wrote all the time about how i was feeling about anything. It felt so good to get down on paper what i was feeling and thinking and knowing that no one would read it, it was just me and my thoughts. I also saw a therapist (for 5 years) and i strongly suggest to others that seeing a therapist goes hand in hand with recovery. With her help i was able to unwrap the layers of issues that were eating me inside and helping me to stay within the eating disorder. I also saw a nutrionist and my family doctor. This helped with my medical part of recovery. . I still love to write in my journal, although i don& ,t do it as much now. I also enjoy creating silk flower arrangements, cross stitching, camping and spending time with my family. . I do work and i find it very enjoyable and i know if i was still in the hole with the eating disorder i could not do my job as it can be physical. I also couldn t enjoy life. I have long since realised that you need food in order to a) stay alive b) do the things you love. Food is fuel for our bodies, if we don t have it, we die. . If you truly want to get better then you will. Yes, it takes a tremendous amount of hard work, determination, strength and will power to do it, but it& ,s possible. I am living proof!! I truly believe that anyone can be in recovery and have a life without an eating disorder. I am so much happier with my life now. I am in control, not the eating disorder and its the most wonderful feeling in the world. . I do not put any pressure on myself, a free spirit who does what needs to be done, does not care what others think or say, and reports to no one. I take care of myself first. . We now are in our seventh year at west catholic, catholic central and kenowa hills high schools and in our third year at grand valley state university. This dynamic program recognized as the most creative initiative for ms by students, teachers and businesses in michigan is offered to all michigan high schools in september 2006. . Sometimes you will run into poor, inadequate, insecure and incompetent bosses who want you to jump through hoops. Stand your ground because you need to take care of yourself first and do the right thing. . There are many individuals who are simply jealous, actually lazy is the better term and are willing to steal your ideas and plant their name on them. This. But i don t tell you this. I don t dare to, i m afraid to. . Ins and outs and ups and downs life& ,s road meanders aimlessly? Or so it seems, but somehow leads us where we need to be, and being simply human we oft question and compare. . Is the journey so important or the getting there?. And thus it always been that question pondered down the ages by simple men with simple ways to wise and ancient sages. . How sweet then, quietly knowing reaching destination fair it the journey that important, not the getting there!. I used to have a comfort zone where i knew i wouldn t fail. The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail. I longed so much to do the things i d never done before, but stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor. . I said it didn t matter that i wasn t doing much. I said i didn t care for things like commission checks and such. I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone, but deep inside i longed for something special of my own. . I couldn t let my life go by just watching others win. I held my breath, i stepped outside and let the change begin. I took a step and with new strength i d never felt before, i kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door. . If you& ,re in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out, remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt. A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true. Reach for your future with a smile, success is there for you! . Below are some of my writings - not very good i& ,m afraid, but it is the best way i know of expressing myself. Enjoy!. Please note that the writings below are written by the author of this website, and are protected under the copywrite act 2004. No use of the material on this page may be used without first seeking permission from the author. For further details contact. One of the many effects of havingeating distress is depression. I used to hate admitting that i used to feel depressed, because of everything that comes with it. But which came first, the eating distressor the depression? Theanswer to that i honestly do not know. . I started off not having any interest in myusual social outlets (the gym being the first, i have always enjoyed exercise), then started pushing my friends away, isolating myself. None of my hobbies held any comfort for me, for example, i have always been an avid reader - it came to a point where even reading was difficult. I just could not focus on the task in hand. Just the mere task of getting out of bed in the mornings used to be so difficult. Even at weekends, i had atendancy to stay in bed for longer than i should. Also, putting on make-up, washing and styling my hair - all these every day tasks were quitedifficult for me to do. At times, i just didn& ,t care!. Many people who are depressed (eating disordered or not) do take medication, to help them get through this rough patch, but i do not. Basically, because i prefer to get through things on my own. If i have a headache, or toothache for example, i will just suffer on without taking anything. Besides, my belief is that would be treating the effect and not the cause. They work for some yes, i agree, but at the end of the daythe choice is yours. . There were times, however, where it feltso tempting to go to my gp, and ask her for something, anything to get me through the rough patch. I am now glad that did notallow myself do that. At the times i felt that way, my belief was that by doing sowould be like admitting defeat, i hence feeling like a failure. This wouldn& ,t have been the case, as medicatoin is beneficial for some people. The problem tends to lie when people are over-medicated. . It is my view that there is a strong correlation between spirituality and sexuality. In my view due to the shaming of sexuality i received growing up in a strong catholic background, it impacted on my sexuality. However as i delved more into my spirituality, the more comfortable i became with my sexuality. . I have a lot of spiritual beliefs, some of which i will go into here. Personally i have moved away from the religeous upbringing, as it no longer fits my needs, and it is a lot more fun discovering my own beliefs, rather than believing what i was lead to believe. For instance, i do not believe in hell, other than the hell which we create in this life. For me, the spiritual being of my choosing (this can be god, a higher power etc) is about love, and for me that is the most important thing. . Having undertaking training in reiki, it has strengthened my own beliefs, as i not only belief in the spirits around us, but can sense them more readily too, whether that is when i am receiving a reiki treatment, or through self treatment. The colours i can see are amazing. However i found early on in my reiki training, that the most important thing was to remain grounded, as it is important for me to live in this world and in this life, rather than transcending above my body (no exaggeration here). Also the protection techniques i have learned through reiki are invaluable, as when in an environment where i am picking up on someone& ,s negative energy i can now visualise certain colours and symbols to keep the energy at bay. . I have found crystals to be an added invaluable tool, in my day to day life. As well as the rose quartz i carry, i usually have a selection of various crystals to help me in the course of my day. I can guarantee that the rose quartz has certainly worked. Not too long after starting to wear it, did i meet someone i am now dating. The rose quartz is the stone of love - it opens up the heart to love, and brings love your way. This, in my view, is more than a mere coincidence. . . The first thing to understand is that even though people who have issues around food may want out - it is not as simple as just quitting. It must be realised that by engaging in the behaviours is a means of dealing with the muck in one& ,s life - and hence, it has a payoff. It serves a purpose. Listed below you will find what some of these payoffs are. . Self care is such an important area in regards to recovery. It took me a long time to accept that it was up to me to look after my own needs. I now look forward to my weekly bubbly bath - for years i hated them, as i used to feel so self conscious etc. , however that has now changed, and i love just soaking there amongst the bubbles, and allowing myself to daydream, or unwind, or even singing in my own way. . Also, i love going down to the beach, as i live so close to the sea, and listening to the sound of the wind, the birds and the sea. I find the sounds of the beach to be so relaxing. . Also, partaking in hobbies is another form of self care. For me i am so passionate about dance - i love going to dance shows, and dance classes, of all varieties. I see dance as an expression of what is going on internally, and i will be having my moment of fame shortly, where i will be performing my own choreography in front of a group of people - it is both exciting and daunting, but i am ready to embrace that challenge. Even though art is not a forte of mine, i do enjoy it - i find it to be very relaxing. . My advice for anyone embarking on their own journey, not to be afraid to try anything new. Just because you don t feel that you are good at something, don t be afraid of trying it - i find that it is not the ability that matters, but more the enjoyment of it. By letting go of having to be the best, i have discovered things that i love, and also, those that i don t. I tried out a pottery class when i was first embarking on my own recovery, and it really was not for me! I am glad that i tried it, but not something i would be keen to try again. . Below you will find some books that i have found beneficial to me in my quest for recovery. Just because i have found them benefical does not necessarily mean that they are good books. What one person finds beneficial another may find counter productive. Just go by your gut instincts. Personally speaking, i have found the majority of books that focus in on the eating disorder counter productive. What we must realise again, is that the behaviours themselves arenot the problem. It is what lies underneath the behaviours that need to be addressed. I am only listing the books that have been beneficial to me, some of these do indeed include books on eating disorders, but also other books that have no bearing on the subject whatsoever. I hope that you find some material herein that might help you in your recovery. Enjoy!. Truly an excellent book! It is based on the ira. Itis about a member of the irawho becomes an informer for the other side. Tom bradby goes into great detail to describe her struggles to decide with trying to do what is best for her family, despitethe difficulties with that - trying to keep everyone happy. It is a nail-biting, gripping book. . An uplifting story of one woman& ,s coming to terms with her diagnosis of being hiv positive, and her return to her home town, and the relationships that she gets caught up in. I really liked her sense of humour, on what is a serious subject. It truly helps you appreciate the finer things in life. . A book full of pictures ofvarious types of animals, with one statement per photo. The message conveyed within the book is that hugs and touch are important needs. Through this it also manages to convey the sense of community spirit within the animal kingdom. . This is a guidebook for people with eating problems. It challenges you to look inwards. Its philosophy being that once you channel your energy into yourself, that you will then be ready to start dealing with the food. . This bookmakes you realise, why does weight and or size matter. A good mixture of authors of all shapes and sizes, and from different ethnic backgrounds. . This book is full of photos and captions. It is a sweet little book, that by the time you have finished it you won& ,t be able to help but smile. Even on the worst of days this book has the ability to pick you up, even if only for a short while. . A book of photographs of animals, along with quotes. The book is definitely a positive one, showing how it may be reasonable that we want to beckon to everyone& ,s needs, but it also shows that to be truly content we have to stand firm, and sometimes say no. . A book with photographs of animals, along with various quotes. It really makes you smile, as it portrays the development of human life quite accurately. . This book full of various photographs of animals, along with thought provoking quotes. As it states in the introduction of the book, it poses more questions than answers. . This book has been one of the best recovery orientated books that i have read. It gives practical advice, but also, gives a list of things that you can do to help distract yourself, and take yourself away from the food. I think what was good about this book is that not only is lindsey hall herself recovered, but is now an expert in the field. It also goes on to give a little of lindsey hall& ,s road to recovery. I simply cannot praise this book enough!. Offers tools to aid you in your recovery. It can be used for all types of recovery, not just eating disorders. Itgives exercises that can be done at the end of each chapter too. Ihave yet to do those, maybe in time i will -am not yet ready, or at least, i do not think i am. . This book shows how myths, metaphos and storytelling can be used as an aid in recovery. The chapters are divided up into whati see as being different stages of recovery. The message of the book, seems to be just to trust your inner self. . A story of two brothers, who were twins. One of the twins has schizophrenia. It shows the differences, yet the resemblances of the two brothers. It is a story of strength and courage. This author has great insight, into something that is largely misunderstood - very intuitive. . A simple, down to earth, yet humourous in parts, this book really makes you think about whether what you are doing is working. If it& ,s not working what can you do to help yourself. . A little over the top, but a sweet book nonetheless. An everyday book for everyday solutions. . A true story about the trialsand tribulations of prostitution in ireland. The risks involved, and the price to pay. It really sheds new light on prostitution. It shows lyn& ,s strength in breaking free, despite the repercussions involved. . A novel which shows that even during times of hardship, there is still some hope. A story of a boy who became stranded at seaalone with a tiger, and how they struggled to stay alive. . A book that gives you practical advice on how you can overcome any situation in life. Dave pelzer speaks from the heart, and believes the steps he offers in his book are what got him through the toughest years of his life. . A book written about recovery, from the therapists perspective. I found it interesting,seeing things from the other side. . A book on handling stress and finding joy. This book offers practical, and safe suggestions on how to deal with pent up anger. I could not resist this book - the title was what appealed to me, more than the content itself. . Thisis a book written on what recovery is like. I found it beneficial, in that i could identify with a lot of what was said within the book. It is very clinical orientated though, especially in the beginning. It is a book that demands your focus! It is always good to be able to relate to what is either said or written, especially in recovery. One thing that i never realised before, but now do, is that i have a tendency to hide behind words. I tend to try and take the focus away from myself, or throw in a bit of a joke. I hate the focus being on me! Well worth a read!. An autobiography based on the authors& , own experiences of surviving and dealing with her situation of being raped. A truly inspirational story. I really liked how it portrayed the affect it had on her friends and family alike. . Thisis a book, written on the main characters sufferings, and how she dealt with being raped in the 60& ,s. It explains how the victim had a chance opportunity at revenge, and took the bull by the horns. The author manages to portray the strength of the character with such conviction. It was book where i got completely wrapped up in the stoy, as if i was living through the torture myself. I could not help but feel for the character. A compelling read!. Thisis a book, based on the authors own life experiences, and as a consequence, the lessons she learnt. It is about celebrating thelessons of living and loving. Despite the fact that the message within the book, was a positiveone i found it quite difficult to read - the authors life experiences were quite heavy, and intense. . A very uplifting book. This book, though spiritual, reads like a novel. It explores topics which range from survival to sexuality. This book is a must on any book lovers shelf!. A very enjoyable book. The main charachter& ,s ex-boyfriend has an article entitle loving a larger woman , which sets the scene for the book. I liked the authors no nonsense appraoch, and the sense of humour intertwined in what could have otherwise been mundane. I reckon, that people who have ever had food issues, would definitely appreciate the sense of humour here. The book touches on many aspects of life from sexuality, to finding love etc. . A very simple, yet insightful book. The author gives plenty of ways on how to move forward on your journey. . Gives practical advice, to help reduce the stress in everyday life. It is a little pocketbook that you can pick up at any time, and in any place. Just open up any page. . Contrary to popular belief the media does not cause eating distress. However, it can certainly be counter-productive in recovery. I believe that people are born with a predisposition on whether or not they have the likelihood of developingeating distress. . If the media were to blame for causing eating distress, i sincerely believe, that there would be a lot more sufferers walkingthe streets. Even though the numbers are probably higher than anyone realises, they would most certainly be a lot higher if the media were to blame. . I am not going to tell you about how i used to look at photos in magazines to trigger myself, nor am i going to talk about how i used to gorge (no pun intended) diet healthy eating articles, other peoples stores of suffering recovering from this hell etc, for the simple reason, that we have heard it all before. As a whole, magazine never did hold any interest for me, unless they had articles pertaining to the above in them - it really does make you wonder. But it also shows you, that the media are feeding into the minds of sufferers, and hence, at the end of the day are making a profit! In my opinion, that is all they care about, and to hell with the consequences. Now that is hardly beneficial for sufferers!. Speaking from my own experience, i do not blame the media for my eating distress - but it has definitely helped me stay in this destructive cycle for longer than i would care to admit. On my road to recovery it has definitely been a hinderence. . What i am going to talk about was this one article that appeared in a magazine only a few years back (1999), at a time that i deemed myself recovered , but obviously, by the mere fact that i picked up that magazine on that forsaken day, that was far from the case. Although the intentions of this particular article were good, it did have a negative impact on how i took it. I have also since realised, that i was never really recovered - the food issues never really did leave me. . Also, the media does not stop with just newspapers magazines. The media takes many forms - these include newspapers, magazines, television, internet and radio. The list is endless. Personally, i believe thatthe visual forms have been the most harmful during my time in this destructive cycle. You turn on the tv, you open a magazine or newspaper, you surf the net,and you are being bombarded with images. One thing that we the sufferers, and also the general public, tend to forget is that most, if not all,images of models and or celebritiesthat we see in magazines or newspapers have been airbrushed. What we see is not real! It would be virtually impossible to recreate that image in the real world. At least, without it having some adverse affect to our health. A philosophy that i have always followed is if you feel healthy what does anything else matter , but having gone so long with being out of touch with what that is, it is hard to know what is real, and what is not. Sometimes it is hard to differentiate between your true self, and the ed. . You turn on the tv, and again, you are being bombarded with adverts - which diet is better. They all go to great lengths to tell you how great these diets are, and that they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. But do they even tell you of any of the harmful affects these diets can have on your body and or health? No, they simply do not! Why is that? Because they want you to buy the book, the video or whatever their product of choice is. It is imperative that before you buy into any of these influences to educate yourself. Their goal is to make a profit - and to hell with the consequences. . The internet for me has had a negative influence. For example, only this morning when i checked my e-mail, i had received yet some more spam mail in my inbox from an internet diet company. Sorry, but this is mockery!. Fact over the past twenty years, the average weight ofwomen has increased, whereas the average weight of models over the same time span has decreased. Now, what kind of message is that sending out? What happened to the times when people like marilyn monroe were seen as being the essence of health beauty. . So, what can be done about these messages that are being sent out? Action is what is required - write to the media, and letthem know that you are dissatisfied with how image is being portrayed in their magazines. Even some of the health orientated magazines can be quite harmful. They should talk less about diets, and more on healthy eating. If you want to become pro-active in this check out the media group site on the links page. . Personally, what sexuality is all about has been one of the main reasons why the ed developed in the first inst. I have had so much confusion surrounding my sexuality for many years, and it only over the past few years that i have begun to really address it. Prior to that, i was so scared of finding out who i was and am, that i ran away from facing this head on. It was an aspect of my journey, which i found difficult, but knew if i couldn t move beyond facing it, i would remain in the ed for all eternity. When i say confusion surrounding my sexuality, it not just orientation - i m still in the dark, in some aspects, in relation to how my body works. . Growing up, sexuality was something that was not discussed. In the irish culture, there is so much shame surrounding our bodies and sexuality. Since i started addressing this, a lot of my body image concerns have lifted. It has been a hard journey, but yet, a worthwhile one! Coming to anyforegone conclusion about who i am is not what matters, as it has been fun learning more and more about who i am!!!. I would certainly advice caution to tell others that this is one aspect of yourself that you are exploring, as it has been my experience, that people tend to be a bit quick of the mark to jump to assumptions. However, if people cannot accept that this is something that you are exploring, and in your own time too, that just means that they are not comfortable with their own sexuality. One aspect of sexuality is about loving your own body - this can be done through getting a massage, having a bath etc. Even though these may seem to be simple things to do, they are what help us to accept our sensual side. . Also, i feel very strongly about the fact that our sense of style is indirectly (though sometimes directly) related to our sexuality. By wearing clothes that you are comfortable in, it does show - for so long i lived in tracksuits etc, that i was denying this part of my identity. . I feel sexuality can be a mindfield at times, but as human beings, we are also sexual beings. I am now at an age in my life, where i know i want kids, and this can be an unpleasant place to be in, as i am still single (but not necessarily looking), and how am i supposed to procreate without a little help from the other side!?!. My own personal belief, as regards to sexual orientation, is that it is not as simple as feeling attracted to one gender over another. I believe that, though many will deny it, many of us as human beings, are attracted to both genders, on some level. I do believe that most people will have a preference for one gender over another, but who is to say that if the right person came along, who is the opposite of someone& ,s preference, that they would not at least be attracted to that person on some level. I find it difficult to accept that it is as black and white as either or. These are just my views, and mine alone - it is ok if you do not agree with them, but i thought it might provide some food for thought. . Look after yourself too - as hard as it may seem, in order to help someone through this rough time you do need to take care of you. If you are not taking care of yourself it is hard to be supportive to someone else. . As confrontation is part of our everyday lives, i thought it might be useful to add a section on it here. Confrontation is never easy, but if you start out with certain things to consider in mind, it can have a more lasting, and beneficial result. My experience has been when two people are willing to consider each other& ,s point of view, it can actually bring the people in the relationship closer together. . Only current issues should be addressed. Past issues should not be raised because you would could not deal with them at the time, unless they relate to the issue in hand. Even then, no more than one or two of these should be used, as emotions for both parties are already on edge. . From the time the issue arises, confrontation should always be done as quickly as possible. By putting it off, can only allow any feelings to fester inside. . Never address things by text, telephone or e-mail. This will always end in disaster. Naturally, use these means to arrange an appointment, but never by text. Keep what you say to make the appointment simple, such as there are a few things i would like to talk to you about, things i feel would be important for us to discuss in regards to our relationship, would you be free to meet say at x on monday?. It is also worth noting that confrontation is not always the best solution. If people are moving on in different directions, confrontation will always have a negative impact. Sometimes when people are moving on, it can be easy to see things that are not really there. It is always important to note, that what brought the two of you together were your similarities - whether that be through similar personality styles, interests etc, these are the very things that can be attacked. . For me personally, as i have a gift to be able to see the other person& ,s point-of-view, it can (and has done) have the impact of me forgetting what my own needs are. Now when someone says something i have a red flag in my mind, to remind me to consider my own needs in this situation. I also, no longer trust people with charm, as i have been hurt by such people too often in the past. This has helped me spot a characteristic with a work colleague. When i first started my current job, i felt she was too sweet to be pure, and this instinct turned out to be correct. Through conflict resolution i have lost part of my identity, which is sad. I am now a lot more sceptical about trusting people, especially those with charm. I have learnt the hard way that people with charm, strike hardest. . Admit that you have a problem - even if only to yourself. Even if all you can admit is that what you do is not normal , that in itself is a huge achievement. Find a support group (if there is one) in your area. I have found the support group i attend to be great, even if it did take me 6 months before i plucked up enough courage to go. Also, there are the times that pooh would claim that he would like just a little something to eat. A little something, was never just a little. . .
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